As a full-time working Mom of three kids, my life often feels unbalanced, unorganized, and somewhat chaotic, I’ve come to almost accept this in our day to day life. I have long come to the realization that when the phrase is used, “you can have it all”, it is really not true at all. Every day I need to pick and choose what I need to do and to say no to the things I know I am just not capable of doing. I deal with a case of “Mommy Guilt” almost daily in my life. I am on a constant mission to overcome this guilt and I was so glad I was able to read TILT by Marci Fair!
Marci Fair’s mantra in her new book is stated loud and clear “I have learned how to shape and build happy, successful children as I reach for my own dreams in my TILTed life. Balance is impossible; memories are better.” Previously, I have always used the term “balance” in my life; Marci’s perspective is little different with indicating that it is not about balance. We need to accept challenges thrown at us working Moms on a daily basis and learn how to adjust our lives accordingly. It is about making the right choices for you and your family and letting go of the wild idea that we can do it all!
I clearly remember my dreams when started my first day of college back in 1996. I was going to graduate with a degree in Chemical Engineering, become a career-minded woman, obtain a nice, livable salary, eventually get married, have children and be a working Mom. The good news is I have achieved all of that and more. I ended up receiving my MBA and now have a wonder job as a Sales Manager in a Fortune 200 company. I’ve been married for over 12 years and we have 3 wonderful children living in a somewhat state of “surviving” at this point. At this point in my life, we are so busy with our family; I admit my dreams and goals have changed quite a bit. I think my biggest goal in life right now is to get home by a decent hour every night and get a home cooked meal on the table. The truth? I am perfectly fine with this goal. I’m at a stage of my life where I am content in my career. It works for me and gives me the flexibility to spend time with my family.
Even as busy working Moms we still need to have dreams and goals and encourage our kids to do the same. They may be far off in the distance, but we should not be discouraged from dreaming big. Perhaps it’s a short-term dream of going to Disney World or a long term dream of celebrating your 20th wedding anniversary in Tahiti (okay you know my dreams now). Even if you are busy, don’t be afraid to dream for what the future will hold for you and your family!
The next point Marci brings out is to not be afraid to let some stuff go! I know this is so hard for me in some ways, and others so easy. First, I have a cleaning lady twice a month. I know there is no way I can keep the house clean, so I allow someone else to do it. On the other hand I still love to bake all of my kids’ birthday cakes because it is special for me and them. We as Moms have to pick and choose what are the things most important in life to us and let the other ones go! We all need to learn from our mistakes in life and make critical choices moving forward.
I loved the part of the book when Marci suggests, “We need to reset, or reboot, pretty often.” Every day should be a fresh start for us working Moms. We also need to surround ourselves by positive people in our lives. We just do not have time to deal with negativity that comes from others and unfortunately I see a lot of this in social media. I’m to the point where I have to ignore other people on Facebook if they are always negative. It is just not healthy for them and certainly not healthy for me to read over and over again how terrible their life is (when really I do not think it is that bad). Marci provides several resources to find inspiration every working mom needs: The Internet, Positive self-talk, E-mail subscriptions for quotes, Reading, Friends and family, etc. I personally believe in surrounding ourselves with positive people and it will definitely help us become more positive!
In order to manage the TILT in our lives, we need to make sure love is a focus in our lives. I personally work on my relationships with my husband and children on a daily basis and have goals every month to achieve. I need to make it a priority to tell my kids and husband that I love them several times a day. I do not think you can ever tire of hearing that phrase. Most importantly you need to love yourself and who you are in life. If you are not happy with whom you are, only you can change it! Marci gives some great tips and ideas on how to love your family, spouse and yourself in Chapter 5.
In Chapter 6, Marci explains how to give our children Roots and Wings. Roots are the foundations we build with them which include core values to guide their decisions. We as parents then must give them their wings to go off by themselves and make decisions for themselves. I believe being excellent examples as parents is the best way to instill core values into your children. This is not to say your children will always make the right decision, it is our responsibility as parents to let them fail so that they can eventually become self-sufficient and confident in their decisions. I’m a big proponent of choosing the right battles with my kids. I try to let little things go and only try to jump in and correct when I feel their decision is grossly out of line with our family’s core values. Be sure to praise your kids when they do right the make decision though!
Overall, I really enjoyed reading TILT – 7 Solutions To Be A Guilt-Free Working Mom. It was an enjoyable read and gave me some new perspectives and new ideas to try out on my family. I think the book is geared to all Moms, just not working Moms. Everyone’s life is busy and hectic when you have kids; the ideas in this book can just as easily apply to working Moms and stay-at-home Moms. If you have kids and often feel off-balance, I highly recommend picking up this book.Visit Marci Fair's website.
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a Rafflecopter giveaway Disclosure: I was provided a copy of TILT – 7 Solutions To Be A Guilt-Free Working Mom for my honest review. All opinions are my own.